Pastors are expected to be nice to everyone in their church. Who wants a nasty pastor? Sometimes people who didn’t attend church told me the reason is that churches are filled with hypocrites who act badly. Sound familiar? And they think this is news to us pastors? No one knows better than the pastor how imperfect the church is! I was tempted to respond, “That’s okay, one more hypocrite who sometimes acts badly won’t be a problem for us at all.” But I bite my tongue; I don’t want to be nasty.
Most of us have heard, and undoubtedly used, the phrase, “Churches aren’t nursing homes for saints but hospitals for sinners.” If churches are “hospitals for sinners” then it wouldn’t be a stretch to suggest that the “doctors,” are we pastors, and that we are ill ourselves and in need of further healing ourselves. This fact, I came to find out, in my ministry, was the key for me being a merciful pastor.
Sometimes the hurt I experienced as a pastor was quite intense. Keep in mind that most of the time most of the parishioners were wonderful and exhibited the love of Christ. But sometimes, with a few people, not so much.
Jesus taught us that we’re to love our enemies. That would mean anyone who hurts us, including those in our church. But it can be difficult to love our enemies, especially those enemies within our church family. Oh, we might be able to fake it outwardly if we’re a good actor, and make it look like we’re loving our enemy. Down deep, however, we’re likely still seething with anger and unforgiveness. If I had to grit my teeth with those who mistreated me over the years, trying to love them, I’d have ground down my teeth to the gums long ago.
There’s a better way, I found, the only way to truly love our enemies. Jesus gave us that way when He said, “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:36). The way to be able to show those in our congregation mercy (forgiving them) is to focus on how we, as the pastor, also need God’s mercy (forgiveness) in our own lives. I know, we might argue that we’ve never done something so despicable as the person who has hurt us. True, we may have not done the same despicable thing as that person, but if we’re honest, we must admit that we’ve found our own creative ways to be despicable.
It’s when we acknowledge we have had to depend on God being merciful to us that we can then, in turn, find the will and strength to be merciful toward those who have hurt us. Reflecting back to those 40 years of ministry where I encountered some hurtful people, I can testify that focusing on God being merciful to me was the key to being merciful to those hurtful people in my congregation.
When I found it difficult to forgive and show mercy, I learned I had to turn the focus onto myself and how I had to count on the constant mercy and forgiveness of God myself. Then, by the help of my merciful God, I could give the mercy and forgiveness to others that I’d been given by God.
“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
A Pastor's Heart 